.Bittersweet/Torn.

So Finally at my 50th blog post. Was suppose to do something special. Okay now this topic is sort of based of the Fantasia song Bittersweet. If you havent heard it then youtube it...This kind of sums up how I feel along with the song by Letoya Luckett song called Torn. I'm sure yall heard that one too.

Basically I'm hurting in a sense. Hurting because I'm trying to move on to the best of my abilities but I cant shake them both...So here it goes....

1. His name is J(dont wanna say his full name)...I met him when I was staying in GA for a few months. Currently he is now my ex when I moved back to MD last year around my bday(in Dec)...me and him keep in touch here and there so of course the feelings will still remain but at the same time its hard to even move on because this is the ONLY man I've ever dealt with that knows prettymuch everything about me. I can't let him go because we're still cool. There are times where I wished he was here so that i wouldnt have to be single anymore but since he is there and I'm still here then it just cant work out....

2.His name also starts with a J(but I call him brown eyes)..we met at work. As the saying goes "dont mix buisness with pleasure". Of course I dont wanna listen and I toke that chance. We mingled for about 3 1/2 months and we have alot of common ground. He toke my mind off my ex and it was fun. We went out on dates and was so enjoyable and I was happy. Of course I was never his girlfriend but he treated me like one. our feelings were there for one another but of course all good things come to an end. When he decides that we should be friends. Man o man was my feelings hurt. I cried I wrote hateful blogs about him and everything. I even told my ex about him. But of course I dealth with it from seeing him at work, we would still speak. Just kept it at a hi and bye level anyways.

I ended up dating someone by the name of K thinking he could take my mind off of both my ex and the lil fling I had. Of course he just turned out to be effn crazy with his insecurities and I had to cut him off....Now as these days go by me and my ex we still speak and the feelings are still there..I still have feelings for my co worker even tho were suppose to be friends...sick of seeing all these happy relationships and what not..dont get me wrong I'm happy for those people but at the same time its just frustrates me because sometimes I just wish my ex was here to just take away this empty void I'm feeling...then at times I wish old "brown eyes" would come around andjust actually want a relationship with me but that cant happen either....

:SIGHS: I just wish there was someone to just take my mind away from it all. I see my sister now and she has this guy that makes her happy. I'm glad for her because I was sick of ole dude she use to like. She's younger than me and already she has her happiness. I'm like shit when is it my time? :SIGHS: Idk what I'ma do. Maybe I'm just jealous of what my sister has because I want what she has. I want that one guy I'm attraacted to, to just have a convo with me at night and make me laugh, I wanna be able to hold his hand in public without him gettin all in his feelings, I wanna go on dates no matter how cheesy it is...yet its hard when I'm torn between two men that I can't seem to let go unless someone else can help me...and even then, I gotta help myself