My Testimony

nowplaying Mary J. Blidge-Testimony...

just neeeded a song to listen to to sooth my mood
ugh lately just really going through
at times i sit and question myself on whether am i really gonna make it...
currently dealing with tryin to get pass my own issue with college
wondering if I will ever be able to go back to school...
sometimes i beat myself up about why did i even mess with that stupid ass boy and why
was i so pressed to have friends...had i ignored those things, honestly i still would have been struggling with my mom on making payments for school..but I would have been a proud graduate this year either this month or this winter....but no im back to where im started...and continue to watch my friends and cousins as they continue there journey and then get ready to just...
now through my stupidity and careless actions im stuck wit paying back money i owe to two different schools that i no longer attend, then pretty soon i will have to put some kind of payment towards these loans...UGH!!!!

another issue thats bothering me is just dealing with family issues
worrying about my mom and wondering if she will ever get a job so she can get back to getting her life on track....who knows when that will happen because my mom had been a fighter all her life, struggling to make ends meeet for me and my sister...as much as and her dont really get along...i love that woman to death and she still is like a best friend to me...even tho i still dont come to her about certain things cause I kno she blow shit out of proportion....
dealing with a steppmom who is nothin but the devil but as the nerve to call herself a child of God...if that was the case you wouldnt runnin ya mouth in my fathers ear about how much u dont want me and my sister here...BELIEVE me we dont wanna b here either..and we dont have much of a choice either due to the fact that my mom lost everything...this house that my dad lives in just depresses me....lord knows how many times i cry every night because i dont wanna be here...im trying the best of my abliilties to just save up and move out this house.....because honeslty i dont want nothing to do with my dad

i cant really call him a dad cause he never was really there for me unless it dealt with money and thinking that giving me lil bit of money here and there is your way of being a father...HELL NO its not....my family say i shouldnt cut off the relationship with my father and I...but what more is there to talk about...he's missed out on a good 21 years of my life...and u STILL dont kno shit about me...not even care to ask of my interests? so why should i make the effort..
ugh this is gettin to me....i gotta go